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I could have another moan but I'm sick to death of my own whingeing. STEVE BRUCE DECIDES TO KEEP QUIET I don't read the papers, I don't gamble, I don't even know what day it is! STEVE McCLAREN CONFIRMS WHAT WE ALL SUSPECTED If United don't equalise, they might lose this game. MICKY THOMAS CUTS TO THE CHASE I think that France, Germany, Spain, Holland and England will join Brazil in the semi-finals. PELE FAILS TO GRASP THAT ONE PLUS FIVE MAKES SIX I'll take any goal, any time, any place, anywhere - you can call me the Martini striker. CARLTON COLE, COCKTAIL COMEDIAN

Iain Spragg is a sports journalist who has written for The Daily Telegraph and The Times, as well as numerous sports magazines. A former professional footballer who played 10 times for Arsenal in the 1980s, Adrian Clarke is now a freelance sports writer, contributing to a number of national newspapers in the UK.

I'm the Boss; Gaffers' Gaffes; Coaches Quips; Men in Black; Fan Frenzy; Cup Chaos; Microphone Madness; Common Taters or Prince Edwards; Elementary My Dear Motson; North of the Border; International Duty; Player Power; Foot in Mouth; Verbal Diarrhoea; Foreign Fields; New Faces.