Imtiaz Raina, born in Sheffield, young father, young husband, son of loving parents, has decided to die. He has convinced himself that he believes in his cause. And before he leaves home for a final time, he wants to be sure his family understand why. So he decides to write for them, to leave his journey behind.

Raw, funny, tender, furious, vulnerable, selfish, desperate, proud: this is his story.

From the grey hills of Sheffield to the mountainous border of Afghanistan, it's a story about a longing for acceptance that becomes so extreme he will stop at nothing. It's a story about grief, about belonging, about being lost. It's the story behind the news story. A story for our times.

I'm having to stop myself from reading back through what I've written. Keep myself going forward. Need to get to the end.