The much-needed manifesto by the Sanest Politician in the Entire Cosmos, from capping the price of croissants at GBP1 to taking over Downing Street.

'Count Binface will be Prime Minister. It's only a matter of time' Independent

Greetings, life-form! My name is Count Binface. I am an intergalactic space warrior, leader of the Recyclons and three-time British election veteran. And as part of my overarching mission to control the entire omniverse, I have come to conquer Britain.

It's not that I want to do this - you need me to. Because the one thing everyone can agree on right now is that Earth is in an absolute state. And of all its messed-up nations, the British are particularly deranged.

In this book, I share my story for the first time, my political beliefs and even the occasional recipe, in return for a reasonable - nay, bargain - amount of Earth currency.

I also provide an alien's-visor-view of your past, so that you can learn from past mistakes. This isn't the first potted history of Britain ever to be committed to print, but I can guarantee that compared to any others, mine will be the most accurate. If anyone cares to argue about that, which one of us has had access to a time machine?

So settle down, grab a beverage, and let's make your planet Count.

'Count Binface in his steely, glimmering, elusiveness is both a galactically intimidating - and curiously heartening symbol of the future of British politics - #believeinthebin' Rory Stewart

'Count Binface is out of this world' Emily Maitlis