This is a book about me.

Unfortunately, I didn't write it - my mum did. WTF!

Let me tell you now that 98% of it is total lies. Actually, I'm pretty sure this book is illegal. So if you've bought it, you've basically supported a criminal. How does that feel?

I think she's getting me back for my first day in this world when I mayyy have tried to kill her. She won't not be able to mention that . . . You might also find out about my first day at school, why my head is so massive, how I've always been a hit with the ladies and other things like that.

You know, important stuff.

Anyway, I found the book at the printer and you'll see I've corrected some of her most outrageous lies.

So, you know, enjoy. Just remember only the bits that make me look good are true . . .