Jim Giraffe by Daren King
Scott Spectrum is being haunted by a ghost giraffe called Jim. Scott thinks he is the man who has everything - a high speed internet connection, alien-shaped slippers, a beautiful wife called Continence. But Scott hasn't touched her in years and she's been left furiously polishing the sideboards, dreaming of black stallions. According to Jim, Scott's days are numbered, and to save himself from certain death by sexual repression he must perform every sex act in the lovemaker's lexicon.
Luckily Jim Giraffe knows a lot about sex. He also loves pizza and beer and has breath that smells of tree tops. The prudish Scott is at first shocked by this profane, perverted ghost giraffe, but he accepts his help. Little does he realise that the ghost giraffe has his own agenda and that his suburban idyll is about to be well and truly buggered up.