Mock the Week's Only Book You'll Ever Need by Dan Patterson
Mock the Week is back, with the perfect gift for anyone interested in Life, the Universe and childish smut. Whether you're eight* or eighty*, this is the only guide to life that you'll ever need. Includes:
Bad Things to Hear in a Maternity Ward: 'In an attempt to empathise with my wife, I want you to ram this pineapple up my backside.'
Unlikely Greetings Cards: Sorry to hear about your mother. (On the plus side, you can afford that new house, now.)
Bad Things to Shout During Sex: 'Did you hear that? Did they just say England are 81 for 5?'
Unlikely Things to Read on a Gravestone: Fell asleep on 16 August 2004. Unfortunately whilst driving a truck on the M5.
Unlikely School Report Cards: Dear Mr and Mrs Johnson, Boris is a very popular and intelligent boy who should go far, just as long as he's not put in charge of anything complex.
*Probably best not to give this book to an eight-year-old. **Or an eighty-year-old, for that matter.